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| Monday, December 4th, 2006 | | 3:35 am |
Fuck.
Fuck. It's the week before finals. My grades aren't as good as I'd like them to be. I failed my last Math Physics test, but apparently a lot of people did, since he gave us a take home retest. My Linear Algebra grade sucks because my partner hasn't been turning in our labs because we've had trouble printing them... And he never told me, specifically, that he didn't turn them in. My sister moved out of my dad's. His 30 day rehab did shit. Sadly, Chaos, my puppy, is still there. My sister said that she walked in one night and found him trembling, terrified, in the hallway, with a drunken father screaming at him. When she told my mother about it and said that she needed to take him back to her house, she said, "I'll see what I can do." I dion't know where I'm going to live. Certainly not with my father. My mom's insane and has no spare room, and a tiny house, but if I don't move in with her she might not take Chaos back. So I could move in with my grandparents, but they have no internet. Now, that may seem like a small thing, but without internet, I have literally NOTHING TO DO. No friends are around there. My sister works ALL DAY, and then goes to her boyfriend's. I have no car. I have no money to even get my license still, and if I lived in Country Lakes, I'd have no way to even get a job. I think the tinea versicolor on my skin is spreading. Fuck fuck fuck. I hope I can get into the Summer Fellows program: helping Dr. Riley study low energy particles this summer and making 3,000 dollars on campus. But I'd be all alone, on campus, all summer. No family or friends... No dog. Fucking fuckity fuck. At least I did all of my work for the next week. Sigh. | | Tuesday, September 12th, 2006 | | 7:16 pm |
School....
I've been going a little out of my mind for the past two weeks. Mostly, it's because of me not getting any sleep for a night or two in a row, hyped up on Adderall, which puts me in a terrible mood. Then I drink Nyquil to try to get to sleep, and I sleep, but I feel like crap the next morning - even worse then I do WITHOUT sleep. Attempts to get in shape have been utterly spoiled because my entire body hurts every afternoon/evening due to a messed up sleeping and eating schedule... Now, lists - REU Internships: I talked with Dr. Riley about trying to get an internship this summer. He basically told me that no matter how good my grades are (and they could be better), I wouldn't be able to get into a big/good one because of Ursinus being pretty much unknown amongst the science community. Greeaat. But he gave me a site for the National Science Foundation, and I wrote down all of the schools that have high energy/particle physics internships this summer. A lot of them don't even have info up on them yet, though. I just hope I can get into a decent one. Dr. Riley also said that next summer I may be able to get an internship working with him, which would be really cool, as I like him and am comfortable with him, and it's close to home, etc., but it would still be best to get a really GOOD one for grad schools. So, that's up in the air. AP Scores: I still haven't gotten my AP English Writing and Literature scores transferred. That'll cost like 30 bucks. Gak. Home: My parents at it again like usual, with my sister often being treated like shit, which I hate. My mom also had her friend take our cat away to the pound. They are both so ridiculously immature. My grandmother is apparently leaving my grandfather in a few years, and her and my sister might get a house together. THAT should be interesting. Skin: So, the little splotches on my skin spread with really crazy quickness in the first week of school. Googling, I found what it is - it's called Tinea Versicolor. Basically, it's a strange fungus that is found in EVERYONE, but in certain individuals under certain circumstances it reacts in a way so as to cause the little splotches I have on me. Specifically, it affects young adult males of 'darker ethnicity' (fuck you, Puerto Rican..), when it's humid and hot out. Yup. It's otherwise completely harmless. But I really have no time to schedule a doctor's appointment, and even if I get it treated, the splotches may persist for weeks. Yearbook: Yearbook editor am I! It's starting to get really crazy - in particular because rather than using Adobe Pagemaker to make pages, we switched to an online program provided by the publisher. This is going to be good in the long run, since people can access it from their laptops at any time, but it's hard getting things set up. And our adviser is sort of disorganized and not as on top of things as she should be. So I have to make page templates and finish the 2006 Spring Supplement (which LAST year's editor should have done..), and organize meetings and all of that crap. I have a meeting this Wednesday at 1, and then I have to spend the rest of the night sorting out stuff and sending out emails. Then on the 20th there's another training meeting at EIGHT PM (I hate late meetings..). Crazy. Math Physics: So far, the class has been really easy. I did both homeworks assigned so far in like 45 minutes total. One was turned in on Monday, and the other gets turned in on Friday. Now, to find somewhere to print my stuff.... Linear Algebra: Easy too, for the most part. I got a 10/10 on the first quiz, but a 7/10 on the second quiz, which made me sad. It's mostly because I made my definitions too vague. So, on the next quiz (one every friday!), I'm actually going to USE the little notecard we're allowed to write down just definitions. Last Thursday we had our first Lab, which me and Harry finished during the class period because we were already familiar with Maple; we're just prettifying it up and turning it in this Thursday. Today in class we did most of a worksheet, which is due on the 20th. And next Friday is the first exam! A lot of work, but it's all easy so far. Latin Poetry: There's only 3 other people in this class, and only two are actually students (one is doing a grad work thing with the class). The teacher is crazy and awesome, and so far the only work has been translating. The hard part is that we only got up to Ch. 20 in our Latin book last year, and we're reading Ch. 30 - 32. Um... Right. So I've been looking like a fool every now and then, and spending WAY too much time translating things. E&M Fields: This class is mostly a joke because the professor, the head of the physics department, is getting increasingly senile. He made the first exam way easier than it should have been. I got an 86, but would have had a 90 if it wasn't for the fact that he took off for calculations that we got wrong, that he didn't specifically point out were supposed to be that way. (It was a positive vs. a negative type thing, and he never worked out the equations all of the way on the board, to show that at the last step, they magically somehow become negative!). But other than that, a lot of reading and problem-solving in my 'free time.' I think that's about all.... | | Saturday, August 26th, 2006 | | 2:48 pm |
Schedule!
This may be one of my easiest schedules in a long time, especially considering I'm not doing the theremin thing this semester. *Sad* Ah well, I'll do something about actual particle physics later. ------------------- Monday: 9-9:50: Math Physics 10-10:50: Linear Algebra 11-11:50: Latin Poetry Tuesday:: 10-10:50: Linear Algebra 12-1:15: E&M Fields Wednesday: 9-9:50: Math Physics 11-11:50: Latin Poetry Thursday: 10-10:50: Linear Algebra 12-1:15: E&M Fields Friday: 9-9:50: Math Physics 10-10:50: Linear Algebra 11-11:50: Latin Poetry | | Monday, August 21st, 2006 | | 12:00 pm |
| | Thursday, August 17th, 2006 | | 11:10 pm |
D&D Geekery.
So. I'm working on a new D&D world. One of the magical traditions is inspired roughly by the Hermetic Order from Mage the Ascension. I just wrote this, in about half an hour, starting at around... 1:30. ---------------------------------------- ----- One of the most prevalent and widely accepted magical systems is the Circles of Lyshai, known for its scientific cataloguing of magical effects based on the nature of the subject. Practitioners of this form of magic are known as Magi (Sing: Magus) in general, and are given further titles by the specific types of Circles they practice, and to what degree. The Five Circles of Lyshai are as follows. Arcane - Deals with the manipulation of magic itself and in the creation of arcane manifestations of pseudo-matter and energy. Energy - Deals with the conjuration and manipulation of any energy of the Inner Planes not tied to Earth or Water. Fate - Deals with the fabric of time, divination, fate, chance, and luck. Material - Deals with the conjuration and manipulation of all forms of matter, including things composed of (in whole or part) elemental Earth and Water. Mental - Deals with the manipulation of mental states and perceptions of all kinds. Each Magus chooses three Circles to be his Primary, Secondary, and Tertiary Circles. He may learn and cast spells all spell levels of his Primary circle, as well as Epic Seeds which fall into that Circle. He may cast up to 8th level spells of his Secondary Circle, and up to 6th level spells of his Tertiary Circle. For the remaining two Circles, he may only learn and cast up to 4th level spells. Magi are more idiosyncratically named according to their Primary through Tertiary Circles. Their Primary Circle denotes the base of their title: Arcanist, Energist, Fatalist, Materialist, or Mentalist. Their Secondary Circle titles are as follows: Arcano, Energo, Fatalo, Materia, Menta. The maximum level of spell one can currently cast from their Secondary Circle (and has in a spellbook) denotes the prefix this title will have in their name, as follows: MAX SPELL LEVEL PREFIX 1 Ith'(Name) 2 Oth'(Name) 3 Uth'(Name) 4 Ath'(Name) 5 Itha'(Name) 6 Otha'(Name) 7 Utha'(Name) 8 Atha'(Name) The final component of one's title is based on their denoted Tertiary Circle, and is as follows: Arca, Eno, Fata, Mata, Mena. The prefix tradition is the same as the above table. Depending on the maximum level of spell one is able to cast within their Primary circle, they have the following titles before all other components: MAX SPELL LEVEL TITLE 1 Apprentice Ith 2 Aprentice Oth 3 Acolyte Uth 4 Acolyte Ath 5 Adept Itha 6 Adept Otha 7 Master Utha 8 Master Atha 9 Grand Athala Epic Grand Athalon So, as an example. A 25th level Magus has the following Circles: Energy (Primary), Material (Secondary), Arcane (Tertiary). He knows and can cast Epic spells of the Energy Circle; he knows and can cast up to 8th level spells of the Material Circle; and he knows and can cast up to 6th level spells of the Arcane Circle. His full title would be: Grand Athalon Energist Atha'Materia Otha'Arca. Further appelations are bestowed upon higher ranking Magi and must be recognized by a council consisting of at least 1 Magus of each Order (Primary Circle), of the Adept Itha status or above. Typically, one gains a new appelation upon each rank one climbs. The sole exception is that when one attains the knowledge and ability to cast Epic spells, he or she may choose an appelation oneself. | | 1:15 am |
Judgments
You know, there's some really judgement terms that bug me. A lot. Such as labeling another person pretentious. To call someone pretentious you have to judge their suitability (or lack there of) of a position they are unworthy of; which means that you must think yourself to be in a judgement position in the first place, for some reason. Doesn't that make you pretentious? I've always felt that, which is why when people call me 'pretentious,' I just tend to smirk and take satisfaction in the knowledge that said person is a self-important asshat. Or not. But usually. Also: rights. People ask, "Where do you get the right to do X or Y?" Well, where do you get the right to ask someone where they get the right to do anything? To try to police someone who is policing someone else is only doing the exact same thing, but according to YOUR standards, rather than theirs. And as long as you are following YOUR standards, you're being just fine and dandy, right? Such labels are incredibly paradoxical. That's why I live my life not giving a damn about what others think about me, for the most part. It's much easier, and much less.. Well, paradoxical. I admit that I am a pretentious, elitist asshat, and be done with it. Everyone else is, too. I just quit worrying about it. | | Monday, July 24th, 2006 | | 11:46 pm |
The Wild Hunt
I googled a song I remembered liking a long time ago, and still ended up liking it.... Here it is. "The Wild Hunt" - Phonetica I will never understand what's inside of me Never grasp what the spirit is made of On the surface is the face of a lonely man Underneath beats the heart of a hunter Feel with the eyes of the wild Ages untold of distant past Singing the songs of the chase Unleash me I may never comprehend the silence Or the chilling thrill of violence So much has taught me to suppress this So much was programmed in justice Will I ever be the man I was meant to be? Will I ever come to stand forth in purity? The barbarous drums beating fast Unleash me at last! The howl of the wild is burning inside of me The call of the hunt sets aflame the cold primal vein The scent of excitement and terror Has filled the sky Ubiquitous power to rule this plane And never again Will in weakness ascend The thrones eternity Are forever ours The elemental urges of vanity Are the driving forces of humanity Governing all deeds of hand or paw Self-preservation as the highest law I have vowed to rule my life with sincerity To hold fidelity and truth True in clarity Await at the gates Of my kingdoms vast Unleash me! The forest is alive with sensation The mountain will abide my creation On the morn of the spring Is a birth A steadfast suitor Of the earth The herald of the four winds will call my name The spirit and the flesh now one in the same Blood in my mouth, The spell is cast Unleash me at last! The heat of a hand New exhiliration The feat of a heart The beat of a nation In sight, we ride the night As gods in our own right Forever hunters! Foever free! | | Tuesday, June 27th, 2006 | | 5:51 pm |
Is it weird that after a 20 minute fight with a drunken father, I'm happy because me and my sister bought the next season of Charmed, and because I bought another 3 novels? Now, I only have about 20 to read. Tomorrow, I try to find my keys, do the dishes, clean my room, do laundry, sweep the kitchen and bathroom... And read a lot. Maybe write a little. | | Friday, June 23rd, 2006 | | 3:22 pm |
Some of the following is appropriate: WHAT?: the Alright Guy.
You are 35 Manly and 41 Nerdy! | | Hey, you're an alright guy! You do alittle camping, then come home and check your email. You know to put out your camfire and to keep your computer dust-free. You like physical labor and surfing the internet. You're an alright guy. | | | My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 99% on Manliness | | You scored higher than 99% on Nerdiness |
| | | Monday, June 19th, 2006 | | 1:05 am |
Books
Books that I'm currently reading: - Brotherhood of the Wolf, part of the Runelords series - David Farland - Perdido Street Station - China Mieville - Chronicles of Narnia - Lewis Books to soon read: - The Scar - China Mieville - Elfblade - Elaine Cunningham - The Fabric of Reality - Can't remember author - Forsaken House - Richard Baker And about a dozen more. So many. | | Sunday, June 4th, 2006 | | 3:20 pm |
I AM A LION
Your Inner Beast
Your inner beast is a Lion. Your fierce side is shown gracefully.
~The Good~ You're Noble, Gracious, Knowledgeable, etc...
~The Bad~ You are sometimes Controlling, Aloof, Condescending, etc...
~People On Your Good Side~ Bask in a feeling of protection and privilege.
~People On Your Bad Side~ Receive the cold shoulder and perhaps a casual insult from time to time.
Take this quiz!
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| | 3:17 pm |
I don't see how Nightwish is like The Gathering... They're so much better. Damn you, Holland. | | Saturday, May 13th, 2006 | | 6:38 pm |
I'm not going to be able to take my dad this summer. I don't know what I'm going to do. | | Wednesday, May 10th, 2006 | | 10:47 am |
I was tagged by Roxanne. Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick ten people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used. 1. Potatos at breakfast in the morning. 2. Laying there for 5 minutes after you wake up - not sleeping again, but just laying there. 3. A cool, brisk breeze on an otherwise warm day. 4. I can't help it - reading a good book. 5. Accelerating rapidly in a car. 6. The realization that I control my fate. 7. Finding a really awesome, new song that I like. 8. Having a nice philosophical discussion. 9. Getting an A on a major assignment. 10. Life routines. I tag whoever feels like doing this. | | Wednesday, April 26th, 2006 | | 4:10 pm |
Parents
I don't cry for myself really. But I love my sister, with all my heart. And I cry for her. My mother started accusing her of taking money from my father, not paying him back, of not cleaning up his drunken mess in the house, and of being disrespectful while she was screaming and cursing in her face (in my aunt's house, while she was doing work). She accuses me and my sister of being ungrateful, when all she ever does is call my sister and ask her for favors, and when my sister shells out hundreds of dollars to help me when I need it - who goes on the hour and a half long trip, one way, to pick me up from school. Who pays for my food, and my clothes, and even movies sometimes. She says that she has no obligation to my father because they're separated, but me and my sister do, because he "provides for us." She says that she deserves a phone call once a week. I don't know about you, but hardly any of my friends at college actually call their parents. There's just too much to do. She told me that in "her family," "respect" means everything, and that when my sister told her to "Shut the fuck up!" after my mother had been screaming at her and accusing her of disrespecting my drunken, abusive father for five minutes, of taking advantage of them, that she had every right to lash out at her. That she had a right to choke her against a wall, until my uncle pulled her off. She's been leaving screaming messages at my sister all week, AND told my father about this, and he's been yelling at her all week, too. My mother told her that she's "going to be a bitch," and "tack on" all of the extra money that my sister owes her onto her 7,000 dollar bill. A bill that my sister's never seen. My sister was near to having a nervous breakdown while at work - at a school with a 6 year old kid with Fragile X. Thank god my Aunt got there to observe that day (a coincidence), and saw her purple face, where she had Charlie in a little resource room, after scrambling to find somewhere private to have a nervous breakdown. She walked in, saw my sister, and my sister burst out crying. Charlie was behind her going, "Krystyn sad? Krystyn sad?" That thought just made me cry. I couldn't help it. I have never intentionally started a fight with my parents. I called up my mother and I did today. It ended with me telling her that, no matter what, you do not physically injure your children. I told her that it was barbaric, immature, and irrational. And she told me that she lived by her family's values, and that I had to understand and accept that. At that point, I told her that I'd accept it by hanging up on her and calling her when she was less emotional. I do not want to be part of a traditional of irrational rage. I don't want to be a part of her idea of family respect. My sister said she'd pay for college courses for me this summer - and if we can't, I'll ask my Aunt. I still love my mother, but I don't know what to do. I'm going to try to have all three of us sit down and have a rational conversation after I get back from college, but I don't know if my mother's going to be able to do it. She's too stark-raving loony. | | Saturday, March 18th, 2006 | | 8:00 pm |
Waking up at 5:30 am for an 11 hour shift in the freezing cold isn't fun. Nor is having a ton of work to do for spring break that I haven't done. But money is nice. | | Sunday, March 12th, 2006 | | 1:25 am |
| | Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 | | 1:06 am |
I hate the lateness of night so much. I have the following: - 5 page Art paper due Monday - Latin quiz Monday - Waves homework Tuesday - Electronics Homework Wednesday - Electroncis Lab due Wednesday (possibly TWO due..) And I can't sleep. My head hurts, my stomach feels funny, I think my blood pressure's up. I haven't had time to do laundry, and I have no money (which I could really use right now), I miss my family and my pets, and I'm overall depressed about being primarily a shell of a person comprised purely out of personal achievements and intellectualism. I hate the night. | | Wednesday, February 8th, 2006 | | 7:46 pm |
GOD FUCKING DAMN IT In opening my laptop, I somehow BROKE THE SCREEN! As I was going to print my physics homework, no less! AAARGGGHH | | Monday, February 6th, 2006 | | 3:32 pm |
Today is the epitome of suck. I relaxed all weekend and for my Birthday, which of course was a horrible thing to do. I'll never relax again. I've been low on Adderall for awhile now, and I had my mom get the neurologist to mail me the prescriptions at school. However, I haven't gotten them yet, and apparently we have a 65 dollar bill from the office for reasons we don't know. I have one large pill left and four small ones; I normally take two large ones a day, and sometimes one or two of the small ones, depending on how much work. So I am very, very low. And I'm saving the big one for my exam tomorrow in Classical and Quantum Mechanical Waves, which is going to be really hard. I've been studying all day, and shall continue doing so as long as my mind (and mostly unmedicated attention) can last. I got a bad grade on a Physics homework, I am turning in another Physics assignment a day late, I am turning in my Art essay two days late (I had it marked as NEXT Monday due on my calendar, it was today! - the teacher said he'll take off a very little bit to be fair, but he'll accept it because he likes me).. I have an Electronics lab due Wednesday, 16 Electronics problems due Friday, an essay to write for Wednesday, a book to buy, Adderall to figure out what the heck's going on, AND I'm the main editor-type for the yearbook deadline due next Monday... Such a bad day.... |
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